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My personal posts, rants & BS

Meghan! You know where I am, FFS!

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So, I had a lot of peeps asking me about Meghan’s wedding yesterday, from which there was no escape really — so I thought I’d post here and share my take on it all just in case you were interested.
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First off, the wedding (like the weather) was awesome – Meghan was awesome … and I think they make a nice couple too. The thing is, we all saw Meghan marrying Harry, but in effect she was marrying into “The Mob” or “The Firm” – call it what you will. It’s basically the end of normality for her to say the very least.
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Meghan already had the plug pulled on all her social media accounts a while back, and she can no longer do anything, go anywhere or have opinions on things – so couple all of that with the free spirit that she is – a bit like me – and I really think she’s gonna struggle in the long term. Based on all that, I can’t see it lasting more than a few years. These are my thoughts anyway. I hope I’m wrong, but we shall see.
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And if it does all go pear shaped at some point, she can always pack her bags and move in with me! I only live around the corner after all ffs. Yaaaaaayyy!
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Later peeps!
Melissa xxx 
 

I’ve finally found my twin!

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Ya… I know I suck at posting every day – and I end up posting once every 2 weeks instead, wtf? I’ve been real busy though *coughs*… dammit!
😝
 
So…… have you ever told a girl everything you’re planning to do to her, in great detail… while she’s in the shower… and snapped a picture of her at the exact same time? Well, I did that earlier with Aimee… one of my new GF’s. She said she didn’t mind me posting the pic either, which was nice of her. I was gonna post it anyways 😂
 
Anyways, with Aimee, turns out she was very easy to pick up… she’s a total slut (and a dirty bitch)… and she’d open her legs for anyone… just like me really… so I think I’ve finally found my twin! YAAAYYY!!! 😜 And I just know we’re gonna have a lot of fun here and there over the next few weeks, until I end up getting bored with her – as sometimes happens 😂
 
Watch this space ffs!
Later peeps!
Melissa xxx 
 
PS. If you’re interested in the 2 books I’ve written so far, you can click here to check them out on my Amazon page.
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Here’s Aimee…

Another one bites the dust! Yay!

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I was working Saturday night down in “Cougar Town.” It’s kinda cool when I can go out & have fun for a few hours and make more than enough money to cover the monthly rent on my grossly overpriced flat. Yay for me!! 😜

So Sunday night I was out partying again in SW10. Not too sure exactly what happened as I may well have had a little too much to drink… maybe 🥂 … but I woke up in a hotel room the next morning in bed with some hottie that I can only assume I spent the night with? Anyways, before she had the chance to wake up, I did the only decent thing I could do, and took a few pics on my phone – one of which I’ve posted below. Yay! 😂 I don’t normally post pics of girls I’ve made out with, but nobody’s gonna recognize her anyways.
 
When Katie (I think that was her name) eventually woke up, we chatted for a bit prior to making out again, which was awesome (seeing as I can’t remember the first time)… prior to exchanging phone numbers and going our separate ways. No strings. No drama. No BS. She even paid for the hotel room. How cool is that?
 
So that was my fun-filled weekend in a nutshell 😍
Hopefully yours was just as exciting! Let me know if you like…
 
Later peeps!
Melissa xxx

Making a list (and not checking it twice…)

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Jeez… earlier I made a list of everything I’d gotten up to over the past 2 years or so. Now I wish I hadn’t It’s a wonder I’m still alive… but no real surprise that I’m so mentally fucked up Anyone else would be too. One day I’ll get around to writing about it all, which I’ve been trying to do for way too long. I’ve only published 2 books so far on Amazon, but I’ve got at least another 15 to write – or maybe even more… so that’s why I was making my list earlier!

So after the last pic I posted that put me in FB jail for the day, I thought I’d play it safe today and post an inanimate object instead — not the most exciting of pics, compared to the ones I usually post – but wtf… it’s a present that one of my close friends bought me last week. I can’t use the phrase “girlfriend” as she’s actually a client. Shhh… maybe next week she’ll buy me a Porsche

Anyways, it’s all good! You only live once as far as I know.

Later peeps!
Melissa xxx

PS. If you’re interested in the 2 books I’ve written so far, you can check them out on my Amazon page – https://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Markwell/e/B00G9UALFY

 

 

WTF? I just got released from FB jail – yay!

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So… yesterday afternoon was interesting to say the least. Met up with Kim in town… one of my many blonde hottie GF’s. Went for a coffee… did some shoppingz… fooled around for a bit… and while we were on a roll, we happened to bump into Kate – who turned out to be Kim’s smoking hot GF, and also blonde as luck may have it. I’m not even sure Kim had mentioned her up to that point

Not to be outdone, and following strict protocol in these situations – and with nothing to lose – I politely asked Kate if she minded me taking her GF back to my place so I could give her a good seeing to. She mulled over my proposal for a few seconds prior to slapping me – which always helps – and she was fine with it, but only on the proviso that she could come along & join in too. As you would expect, I excitedly agreed, which was awesome really cos’ it’s always better when you can have “2 for the price of 1” – or a “buy 1 get 1 free” kinda deal, lol

So the 3 of us hot-footed it back to my place for a damn good workout session. I don’t have any pics for once, so you’ll have to make do with the screenshot below which I took from one of my fave videos… and yes, you guessed right… I’d be the one with my ass in the air cos’ I’m such a dirty fucking bitch! (That’s the same pic that put me in FB jail btw – Yay!)

I’m feeling like I’ve run the London marathon today though, as Kim & Kate bent me into every position imaginable — but it was well worth it and a hell of a good time was definitely had by all. Ohhh fucking yaayyyyyy for me again!

Now I’m gonna get back to doing what I was supposed to be doing, once I remember what that was…

Later peeps!
Melissa xxx  

PS. If you wanna watch the video I took the screenshot from, I posted it below   Resistance is futile. Enjoy!…

 

Got low self-esteem and vertigo… lol

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So… one of my countless GF’s sent me a link to Robbie’s “Candy” video this morning, which I’d not seen for ages! She says she always thinks of me every time she sees Kaya Scodelario in the video. Awwww! Anyways, we’re meeting up this afternoon in town so I can find out what she’s been up to, prior to slapping her repeatedly and dragging her back to my place by her hair… like you do

Oh, and she also said I should take a screenshot from the video and use it as my new FB cover pic – so I just did that too. Yay!

Later peeps!
Melissa xxx  
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Are my white sunglasses under your bed? lol

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Are white sunglasses awesome or what? 

I saw this pic earlier, and it reminded me that I lost the pair I had — probably gathering dust under some bitch’s bed right now — so I thought I’d share it with you! 
 
Later peeps!
Melissa xxx 
PS. If you happen to find them under your bed, let me know and I’ll reward you accordingly! lol…
 
white sunglasses

Eating Annika’s ass? Not this week FFS!

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So… Annika my personal fitness trainer (*cough*) just sent me the poolside pic below. She apparently stumbled upon a very last minute (and very cheap) week in the Maldives, flying outta Heathrow, and promptly sodded off there Saturday night without telling me! WTF?

Anyways, it was nice to know she was still thinking about me, lol – but she promised to make it up to me when she gets back. Yay! You can see from the pic why I usually spend at least 2 hours every week eating her ass… OMFG! HELLLLLLPPPPPP!!! 🤣🤣

Later peeps!
Melissa xxx

annika!

Sidetracked and feeling delicate (not!)

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Well, I got sidetracked again last week working on all my trading stuff (and my latest book) so I screwed up my promised daily postingz

I’m gonna try and get back on track from tomorrow. In the meantime, it’s Tays time again… yay!
No rest for the wicked.
Later peeps!
Melissa xxx

The Sainsbury’s Bitch-slap

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On the off chance you’re still reading my daily posts & BS, I’m feeling WAY better today. Temp is at 36.6 and all is well, at last! So this morning, after eating Stacey’s pussy for breakfast yet again, she reminds me that as we’ve not been out & about for a few days, we’ve nearly run out of supplies  … so we decided we’d better drag our hot asses down the street to stock up at our Sainsbury’s Local. While we’re in there doing our thing, lo and behold, we bump into one of Stacey’s ex-hoes. Calling her an ex-GF might be pushing it somewhat 🤣

Anyways, she starts playing her big mouth for no apparent reason… blah blah this, blah blah some other shyt… so I gave her 2 verbal warnings which she refused to heed — then I did the only decent thing I could do… I bitch slapped that motherfucker in the middle of the frozen food aisle, much to Stacey’s amusement, and mine. That seemed to have the desired effect anyway as she soon piped down. That bitch knows where I am IF she ever wants to come back for second helpings. Yay!

So now we’re back home… munching on all the stuff we just bought… all vegan stuff of course, and deciding what to do next. I’m sure we’ll not stick fast.

It’s true… too often we do lose sight of life’s simple pleasures

Later peeps!
Melissa xxx

Frozen Pees? Surely not…

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Ok, so I maybe jumped the gun thinking I was feeling way better yesterday – cos; today, so far, I’ve been freezing my ass off *and* I have a sore throat too FFS! And that’s despite having some extra layers on and turning up the heating. I was gonna call Stacey but then I remembered she’s been here since Friday, keeping me company and whatnot, lol

So… not being one to stick fast, I decided to grab my quilt and lay down on the heated marble floor in the bathroom earlier. I’d only been there 20 mins when Stacey comes in and says: “Oh! Sorry Melissa. I dint know you were in here babe, I just came from a pee that’s all.” “No probs babe” I told her, “Just let me move myself round a bit so I’ve got a better view, then you can pee, ok?”

So she smiles at me… and that’s exactly what she did

“I fucking love you Stacey!” I told her, mid-pee.
“I fucking love you too, Melissa babe!”

I mean, come on… if one of your girlfriends won’t pee in front of you, she can’t be much of a girlfriend, right?

As she pulled her pants & shorts back up and trotted out of the bathroom laughing hysterically, I told her that if I wouldn’t have been feeling quite so lousy, I would have spanked her like she was Taylor Swift

I soon followed after her with the quilt wrapped around me, and headed for the bedroom – which is exactly where I am now… still… still freezing and still waiting to feel better… despite Stacey’s best efforts. So I’m gonna dedicate today’s video to Stacey… cos’ she’s awesome!!

Laterz!
Melissa xxx

“Ultimate 3-some Sunday” – Part 1, maybe

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This is my 4th FB post in a row! Can ya believe it? 🤣
 
So to celebrate, I’ve designated today as “Ultimate 3-some Sunday” — which might even turn into a weekly event… you never know. Anyways, it’s where I think about things for a minute, or sometimes less, and I come up with who I’d love to have a 3-some with. Pretty self explanatory, but there ya goes, lol.
 
So today, I’m thinking it’d be awesomely spectacular to hook up with Cara Delevingne and Kate Moss… the ultimate mix of youthful nympho exuberance coupled with cougar-MILF experience… ahh yes… fuck… I know I’d need a damn crowbar to squeeze myself in between them… but can you imagine it? I know I can. Sweet Jesus! It’d definitely be a case of “OOOOOOhhhh’ Holy Night”, even if we were nowhere near Christmas. Yay! 🤣🤣
 
I’ll leave you with that thought – and the pic below.
Cara & Kate  
Later peeps!
Melissa xxx  
 
KATE MOSS CARA DELEVINGNE

Cara… come round to my place, FFS!

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Well, jeez… today is one of those rare days when I’m not feeling 100% and have a high temperature. WTF! Poor me! Boo-hoo! Trotting around in the early hours of very cold London mornings, wearing very little, has finally caught up with me. You’d think my system would be immune to it after all these years
🤣 Either that, or I’ve picked up a some random bug from one of my bitches – or maybe it’s a bit of both. I dunno….
 
Anyways, I’m literally “in bed with Melissa” this afternoon, lol… but it’s given me a good opportunity to write a few more pages for my latest book, hopefully due out in a few weeks. I can tell you now, it’s gonna be EPIC, just like me 🤣 I know I’m gonna be better by the morning anyways, cos’ I’m never laid low for more than 24 hours thankfully. Fuck feeling like this! Yay!
 
So with today’s pic… I’m seriously thinking that if I can somehow coerce  Cara Delevingne to come round to my place and stick her cute little ass in my face for an hour, I’m gonna be feeling WAYYY better WAYYY quicker. Yay! Let me see what I can do 🤣
 
Laterzzzz!
Melissa xxx
 
Cara Delevingne 1

Watching Taylor! Yay!

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Ok, so… I was just reminded of one of my New Years resolutions. The other ones I had seem to have fallen by the wayside already 🙂 Anyways, I was supposed to post something on FB *every day*, which I did from Jan 4th to… erm… Jan 4th 🙂
 
So having failed miserably to keep it up since then, now I’m starting again ffs. I wanna post pics of my antics, but I’d only end up getting my FB page shut down 🙂 — so instead I’m just gonna post random and remotely interesting shyt and hope for the best!
 
So I’m here watching Taylor Swift’s Fearless DVD from ages back… drinking Smirnoff Ice & intermittently topping it up with vodka… *coughs*… and wishing she was here with me with her pants down, kinda like in the pic below 🙂 Don’t ask me who I’m with right now, lol.
 
Laterz! xxx  
taylor swift yay!

Mystery solved!

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Well… I guess that solves the mystery of what happened to my fave bottle of Peach vodka the other night Don’t ya just hate it when that happens? Greedy bitch!
Happy 2018 btw! YAY!
Melissa xxx

PS. This is my latest post from my FB page, where apparently FB had “issues” with the pic I posted. Some non-sensical BULLSHIT about nudity or whatevz 🙂 So I re-added the post with a little toned down version of the pic, which I’m including below. Awww… ain’t she cute? Hopefully I’ll remember who she is/was at some point, lol…

peach vodka bottle 1-3-2018

 

Blonde Pussy Champagne: Afterthoughts & Answers

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My target demographic peeps are presently a little shy when it comes to posting their BS here in the blog or in my Facebook page, so I’ve given my take on the book and craftily intertwined a few questions raised by avid readers here in this post. Here goes!

Q: You seemed to have quite a lot of fun with Emz after she spilled about what she’d done with that guy. Why were you not more pissed at her? I would have been!

Good question. And yes, I guess I did have quite a lot of fun with Emz, after the urge to strangle her had worn off. I mean, of all the things she could have got up to while she was out, she decides to get drunk and get fucked (and get fucked in the ass too) by some random guy – but hey, I’m sure millions of other chicks were doing exactly the same that night. I still don’t know why she did it.

I asked about it the day after and she wasn’t even sure herself. I think it was more a combination of being extremely pissed at me (after I called her on the phone to tell her everything I was doing with Stacey), and the opportunity to get back at me when this random guy appeared, that was all too much for her. But she reiterated her point about doing Lee again the next time she sees him. All this “next time” stuff is fucking whacked too. She’s more or less telling me she’s gonna go out & let him fuck her again. Seriously? What the fuck is her problem? Needless to say, I tried to bitch-slap her out of it a few times, but she wasn’t having it.

So why wasn’t I more pissed off with what she did? Well, I’d been making out with Stacey while Emz was round at Stacey’s place fucking her boyfriend – so I guess the 2 things kinda cancelled each other out in a strange way. Plus I’d been playing around earlier that day too.

For now though, I just have to begrudgingly accept the strange but true fact that Emz loves sucking cock and she loves being fucked like a whore. Now, had she been with another girl, then yes, I would have been way more pissed at her. For fucking sure I would! She knows the rules I laid down… and she knows what she’s not allowed to do. I’d just never told her not to fuck any guys, as I never dreamed she would. Shyt happens I guess. Remember too, her little plan was to spend the evening with Stacey – which backfired big time.

Oh, and with the ridiculously short denim skirt she was wearing that night… well… I dunno why she even bothered wearing one. Was she asking for it? Fuck no. She wasn’t asking for it at all. She’s just a slut. Obviously.

In fact, she’s such a slut that I made this cute little badge especially for her! Yay!

Emz' badge

I think I might even make it into a t-shirt and make her wear it for work one day. Whatya reckon to that? :mrgreen:

Ok! Next question…

Q: Looking back now, do you wish you’d handled the situation differently?

Well, I could have handled it lots of different ways I guess. But forcing Emz to spill, then replicating the event seemed the best option at the time. It also put me in control of the situation and it made her look pretty worthless. Which she is. I guess if I’d called Stacey and told her everything that’d happened, then invited her round to take her anger out on Emz, that could have been interesting.

Anyways… if you have any other questions about the book, just post them below and I’ll tackle them accordingly. Or you can post them in my Facebook page. Whatever turns you on.

And if you’ve NOT read “Blonde Pussy Champagne” just yet, what the fuck are you waiting for? :mrgreen: Jeez…

Later,
Melissa xxx

 

Profanity Rules!

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My latest book – “Blonde Pussy Champagne” – consists of 81 pages & 21,000 words. The word “fucking” appears 225 times in the book.

That’s roughly 2.78 “fuckings” per page. That statistic is nearly as fucking awesome as I am! Yay! :mrgreen:

Melissa
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PS. It’s also now available via Kindle or as a Printed Book…

Don’t have a Kindle? No probs!
You don’t need a Kindle to read this book. You can still read it on your PC, Mac, laptop, tablet, iPhone or android using Amazon’s free software – downloadable in seconds via this link.

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