Ok. So you wanna know more about me, do ya? Cool!
Here’s some more info on me in no particular order, which I’ve taken from lots of the questions I regularly receive by email. If you wanna know more just hit me up, ok?
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Name: Melissa Markwell.
Location: London, UK.
Current Occupation: Writing & FX trading plus some other stuff. It’s a long story which I might tell you about later. Thankfully, I don’t have a regular boring 9-5 kinda job. That’s way cool, as it gives me plenty of time to get up to mischief. Yay!
Height: 5′ 5″ (165 cm)
Vital Statistics: 32B-25-34 + awesome thigh gap = Hot as hell
Hair: Varies from one day to the next depending on numerous factors, such as where I’ve been, where I wake up, who I spent the night with, and how hard they pulled on it. It’s currently light & dark brown, very soft, curly-ish (sometimes), long and very pull-able… just like me really. Side ponytail is my fave style right now.
Weight: 45 kg (99 lbs)
Dress Size: UK 4 (skinny bitch, lol)
Shoe Size: 4
Are you gonna post pics of yourself in the blog?: Maybe. Maybe later. Maybe not.
Current Girlfriend?: That would be telling
Do you have a FB page?: Sure I have. I got 2 for some reason I’m still not sure of, lol. My personal page is here, and my writing stuff page (where I post most of my stuff) is here. I also have a Pinterest page right here. Go check them out!
Sexual Orientation?: Well, as you may have already guessed, I love making out with girls because they’re just so amazingly & wickedly awesome! But having said that, it really is a case of anything goes… so I’m not adverse to being a real dirty slut with a guy (or 2) if I’m in the mood or if it helps me get what I want – (because Melissa ALWAYS gets what she wants) So, ya… mainly girls, but literally anything goes these days, thanks to one of my previous relationships that literally fucked me up beyond repair. It’s all detailed in my Diary anyways. You’ll see.
Or you lesbian or bi?: Yes, some days I am. Don’t waste your time trying to pigeonhole me ffs. What was the question again?
Pets?: No, I’m never at home long enough, so it wouldn’t be fair or right really.
Fave position?: It changes regularly, haha… but 69-ing is great… or to be more specific, 69-ing with another girl while my girlfriend watches me.
Fave fantasy?: Way too many to mention, most of which include Taylor Swift!
Fave drink/s?: Smirnoff Ice. Moet. Campolieti. Also partial to the odd bottle of Cristal if someone else is buying and/or trying to get me drunk and get their hands down my pants, which is easily done of course. I also drink loads of water every day (when I’m not drinking Smirnoff Ice & champagne!)
Fave food?: Greek salad. Oh, and I love eating girls out too of course. Wine, dine, 69. Yay! I’m vegan too, so I only eat like really healthy & cool stuff. I don’t actually eat that much come to think of it. But let me say this while I’m on a roll… killing animals just for the sake of eating them is a VERY lame thing to do. There’s no excuse! Ya, it was ok for caveman back in the day, but come on, we’ve progressed from there haven’t we? Maybe not.
Think of it like this… whether you wanna dress it up and call it steak, bacon, chicken (or whatever ), your still munching on a piece of rotting & decomposing carcass that no doubt died a painful death. Fact. Why the fuck would you even eat that?
Fave health tips?: It ain’t rocket science, ok. So quit eating crap… quit smoking… work out a lot… make out a lot (yay!)… never miss breakfast… drink a lot of water & eat at least 3 or 4 apples every day. Drinking 25 cups of coffee every day never did anyone any good. Same with cans of pop & fizzy drinks, or cans of soda if your an American chick. You have been told!
Fave TV shows/Series/Channels?: Criminal Minds, Homeland, Next Top Model, Modern Family, Grey’s Anatomy, House, The Sopranos, LA Ink, Geordie Shore, Without a Trace, Without Motive, The Osbournes, Ghost Whisperer, Friends, Cougar Town, Sky Sports, Fox News.
Fave peeps?: Shyt… where to start? Ok… Cara Delevingne… Hayley Kiyoko… Taylor Swift… Maria Sharapova… Maria Menounos… Darya Klishina… Claire Danes… Jamie Lynn Sigler… Susanna Spears… Gwyneth Paltrow… Kate Moss… Cheryl Cole… Avril Lavigne… Miley… Sarah Hyland… Julie Bowen… Danica Patrick… Kate Middleton… Meghan Markle… Lisa Scott-Lee… Scarlett Johansson…. Kelly Ripa… Paula Creamer… ok, ok… enough already! I’ll add more to this list later no doubt. Yay!
Fave porn stars?: Jayna Oso… Brittney Skye… Capri Anderson – and a few others, but I can’t recall their names right now.
Cougar Crush?: Ya… Stacey Anderson (The Cougar), Kelly Ripa & Jennifer Aniston to name a few. Most definitely. I fucking love cougars! HELLLLPPPPPPP!!!
Any secret obsessions?: Ya. Lot’s. Obsessions are awesome, even more so if they don’t kill you…
Would you sleep with a girl even if you knew she already had a girlfriend or boyfriend? Sure I would. Married chicks too. I do it all the time. Why not. Is it illegal?
Have you been with a guy before? Let”s revisit this question at a later date, ok? Guys are just dicks. Period.
Fave number?: It’s gotta be 69 and 72!
Fave color?: Pink & blonde!
Fave saying?: “I fucking love you (insert random girls name here)!” I say it waaaaaaayyy too often, and to way too many girls, lol.
Blonde, black or brunette?: Yeah… I love all 3, and I love sidecuts, bangs, side ponytails & cute bows. Bright pink hair is wayyy cool too, as is pink & blue or pink & blonde.
Brazilian or bush?: Well, put it this way… if I’m going down there, then its definitely gotta be Brazilian, runway/landing strip, postage stamp or smooth/shaved sorta thing. If I’ve gotta get my industrial hedge trimmer & goggles out when I arrive, then it just ain’t gonna happen!
Turn-ons?: Making out with girls… kissing girls… watching other girls kissing each other (prior to joining in)… being spanked hard (yay!)… making my girlfriend jealous (easy done)… girls that wear lots of eye shadow… skinny girls… thigh gaps… ridiculously short mini skirts… Victoria’s Secret stuff… girls that wear crash helmets & baseball caps… girls with ponytails… girly golfers… drummer girls… sidecuts… girls that swear a lot… girls that smoke… dirty bitches… did I mention kissing girls? – and (of course) writing in my blog! There’s other stuff that turns me on too, but I’m not including it all here. There’s not enough room!
Dislikes?: Yeah. I dislike PC’s, because they’re very unreliable and they’ll fuck everything up when you need them the most. A bit like having a boyfriend I guess. Haha! Oh… and girls that pretend to be straight because they think it’s cool (even though it’s not). Spaghetti girls. You know who you are, you fuccas!
Have you ever done anything you regret?: Sure I have. Way too much stuff really. Looking back on it now, I did some ridiculously fucking stupid stuff too. Bad girlfriend choices didn’t help either, nor did being forced & coerced into doing stuff. Fuck that bitch anyway. Don’t get me started on her! It’ll all come out in my books in due course.
Do you believe in Karma?: Yes. Most definitely. She’s a bitch, just like me!
Fave clothes?: Short skirts, short tight dresses, denim shorts, cropped tops, jeans, hoodies, leggings, trainers, wedge sneakers, Victoria’s Secret stuff, A&F stuff, and my all-time fave Kate Moss vintage cropped biker jacket. I have 2 of them! I actually like wearing as little as possible, even if I end up nearly freezing to death in the winter. You’ve been there too, right?
Fave movies?: Love Actually, Notting Hill, Bitch Slap, Kill Bill 1/2, Saw (all of them), Final Destination, Blairwitch Project, Lost in Translation, Castaway, Angels & Demons, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Wall Street (1&2) – and lots of others which I can’t think of right now.
Fave books?: “Skinny Bitchin'”, “Skinny Bitch” & “Skinny Bitch in the Kitch” (Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin)… “Steal Like An Artist” (Austin Kleon)… “Ignore Everybody” & “Evil Plans” (Hugh MacLeod), “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” (Robert Cialdini) + many others.
Fave artists?: Linkin Park, Gaga, Avicii, Icona Pop, Miley, Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Oasis, Staind, Sia, Katy Perry, Green Day, blah blah…
Least fave song?: Gangnam Style. Seriously, W… T…. F…? lol.
Are there any songs you can’t listen to, and if so, why not?: Ya. A few, but I’m not telling you which ones or why (just yet).
What message do you have for people that don’t like the stuff they read in your blog or in your books? Simple, I’d say 3 things…  Stop reading,  I’m not bothered, and  Go fuck yourself with a strangely shaped kitchen utensil! I write my blog & books for people that like to read about my escapades – not for those that don’t.
Does it bother you when someone calls you a slut?: No. I take it as a compliment. I love being a slut… although I’d call it being liberated and having fun instead. Anyone that calls me a slut is usually just jealous because they lead very boring lives and see little (if any) useful action between the sheets. I regularly get to make out with lots of gorgeous girls. What’s so wrong about that? I am what I am.
Is there anything you don’t like being called?: Yes – but I’m not telling you.
Why did you start this blog?: Good question! I guess I just wanted “a place to go” so I could write about everything I get up to for my own amusement, and hopefully get a lot of other people interested enough in my antics so they can come here and lose themselves (maybe even literally)… and I can sort of build my own little Melissa fan club. Yay for me! PS. I also gotta give a shout out to my very cute & very geeky tech girl, Kat, for making it all possible! xxx
Do you have any plans to make your Diary entries available on Kindle?: Yes! In fact I just added my first ever book to Kindle – “Blonde Pussy Champagne“, which you can check out right here. Yay for me! OMFG. To say I’m overly stoked about it would be a really massive understatement!
LATEST QUESTIONS FROM PEEPS:
Do you swear a lot?: Usually, yes. Especially when I’m with another girl… but it depends on the situation really. I’m what you would call verbally aroused very easily… maybe too easily. I love dirty talk – giving it and receiving it.
Do you like toys?: Hey – come on… you gotta be a bit more specific with the questions here, lol… but ya, I’ve got some cool stuff kickin around… and a few bits of Lego somewhere…
Do you like to take control or be controlled?: Well, I always like to be in control of things… but either way works just fine for me… depends on who I’m with, how much I’ve had to drink and how many times I’ve been bitch slapped, lol.
Would you describe yourself as a sociopath?: I’m not sure to be honest. I lie a lot. I can be manipulative. I can prey on people’s weaknesses and I can also lack remorse. But I’m fucking awesome too. You decide…
What do you mean when you use the word “pants” in your writings?: Ya, this is one of those British words that means something a bit different in the US, lol… like tap, faucet & hood — but “pants” to me is underwear, like bra & pants… so that’s what it means in the diary when I slide my hand down a girls pants. Hmm… now there’s thought!
Any more questions? Just hit me up and ask, ok?